The Height of Societal Illiteracies
‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’
Unless it rhymes with ‘-AY’
Like ‘NEIGHBOR’ or ‘WEIGH’
The zeitgeist of our time is to label such grammar rules as ‘weird’ or, even
worse, to treat it like some sort of foreign apartheid imposition. I would like
to seize this opportunity to reignite discussion to those who claim the grammar
principle in question has proven unscientific. Albeit there may be a few known
exceptions, I would neither dismiss nor ignore the inaccuracies perpetuated by
those who would heist our ancient tool of teaching before they
deinstitutionalize the younger generation’s minds, which already suffer from
school absenteeism and low levels of protein. My conscience won’t let such
conpiracies propagate these inaccuracies. I shall use my sleight-of-mind to
reinform you as to why our schools must return to teaching such efficient
First, let me be direct. I don’t pretend to be proficient in grammar, either
in its written or spoken form. But we as adults owe it to our species to either
teach our children without tiptoeing around the basics, or be happy seeing them
become counterfeits in a deficient system. Policies need to be put in
place wherein students develop solid intellectual groundwork as part of a larger
social conscience before they start to see themselves as sovereigns.
Not all agree. Many would like our youth to forfeit a basic education,
causing them to develop immature tendencies. How many children do you know who
are always hopped up on caffeine or laughing as a friend chugs down a stein of
beer? Herein is the problem: new forms of teaching which encourage free thought
seem fancier, but the chanciest way to raise a child is in agreeing with fads
just because they are ’new’.
Being a former educator, it nearly gives me a seizure when students argue
against such basic grammar rules as the one posted at the head of this article.
What, has some omniscient grammar deity revealed prophecies to some prescient
students relegating the old school of thought to plebeian status? If so, why
must I also pay obeisance? Basic knowledge is the foundation of future success.
We are raising children, not rottweilers. What kind of scientist would a
seismologist be if he couldn’t tell granite from gneiss? Or what kind of
linguist of ancient languages can’t understand cuneiform? Even to become a
farmer one must be able to tell a bull from a heifer. But like a poltergeist,
society is secretly slipping codeine to the concierge of our minds, causing us
to sleep when we should be hoeing the garden of our children’s future. You would
never invest in eider down without first consulting a financier, nor would you abseil without a
rope. Why would you send your child into the working world unprepared, when
vacancies are already so rare?
Wherein is the solution? Focus the kaleidoscope on your children’s minds;
sobeit they listen, maybe they can still reidentify themselves. Life moves like
a bullet, not a glacier, but if you keep them from icier paths they might yet
develop eidetic minds and become the next Einstein!